remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
