i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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