I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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