Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
