PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
