the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
