I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Randomize