I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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