She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
