Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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