I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
