I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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