It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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