new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
