The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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