whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
