i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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