I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
All the doctor said was why
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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