I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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