You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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