you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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