So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
