I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
