dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
