That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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