every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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