I cut my penus on the lid.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
