the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
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