What did we do last night that was yellow?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
