I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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