she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
