talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
