cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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