The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
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