If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Randomize
