I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
