How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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