i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
