So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
