we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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