I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
