I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
