My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
