I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
