You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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