I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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