Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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