Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You ruined the universe
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
