i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
