What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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