I could have mohawked her pubes.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
