Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
