420 ftw
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
