I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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