I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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