but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
