Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
