I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I need to wash the frat house off of me
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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