Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
