Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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