so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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