Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize